Wednesday, February 23, 2005

It's the small stuff...

You know, it's the little tiny mess-ups in life that really make me hyper-aware of what a neurotic control freak I am.

I once heard this saying, "You can tell the difference between normal people and the rest of us, because when the car doesn't start in the morning, normal people call their mechanic, and the rest of us call the suicide hotline!"

Can I tell you how much I relate to that?

Can I tell you how much more that really frightens me?

I'm talking about the little things, like putting money in the coke machine, and not getting anything out...and then putting more money in just to prove a point and getting regular instead of diet to come out. Then letting that ruin my entire day.

Those little kinks in life are what send me for a loop. And it all goes back to my self will in the end.

Last night I was trying to force some crazy application on my computer to work and when it wouldn't I looked up all the tech support online and decided to create a new user.

The only problem was I didn't have the Administrator password...when it got fixed last year I don't think I ever changed it and it was set up to just automatically boot up into that and blah blah blah long story short, I never knew my password.

Knowing the whole while this was a dangerous thing to do, I started messing with my preferences, managed to log myself out of Administrator, and not be able to access anything in any of my folders.

Self will run riot.

Of course this set off a whole spiral of angry tirades and impatient attempts to try every password known to man to get back in.

Not once did I stop and BREATHE, or THINK, or just say, "You know what, there's nothing I can do today, maybe I'll let it go."

Ah, self will run riot.

So, because I could not wait for my mom to overnight me my system software to fix the problem, this morning I drove to campus, paid $5 to park, ran like hell to the ITS lab on campus, and impatiently waited while they reset everything. And I missed my first class.

So now I'm sitting in my office, with my now-working computer, waiting for my next class to start, and really thinking about this...I don't like being a super controlling person who is buffeted (sp?) by every which way the wind blows. I really just want to live and let live...and let go.

Time for a change I think.


At 7:37 AM, Blogger yayaempress said...

Yeah, I think we've all done that a time or two. Those are usually the times that Chris has to stop me and tell me to breathe and let it go. I'm getting better though.

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Court said...

Two steps forward, one step back.


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